Sorry seems to be the hardest word, or so the Elton John song goes. Leslie Farias agrees.

“I don’t know why we’re not taught this communication skill,” she says of the art of apology. “But then again, very few of us are taught listening skills, so is it any wonder something so powerful has not been taught either?”

Farias, a communications trainer based in Reno, is aiming to bridge the apology gap. Along with partner and co-teacher Jennifer Webb, she’s offering businesses and individuals customized instruction in the skill of effective apology in a program called Apologies Work.

“The model that Jennifer and I have developed is quite simple, but each apology needs to be unique,” she says. “It’s such a paradox, the apology. It’s simple, but it’s so complicated.”

Farias and Webb believe their program is applicable to improved customer service relations and in dealing positively with co-workers. “This is important to me because in talking to people about this, they don’t immediately make the connection,” says Farias. “They seem to think of apologies in the context of their personal lives as opposed to the workplace and their customers.”

A management necessity

Some managers might think their authority could be weakened by apologizing to a subordinate, but Farias says the opposite is more likely.

“They may feel their credibility and the power shift will be compromised,” she says. “But there’s enormous research supporting that when an apology is correctly presented and certain words are used, the best results are possible. That’s what we want to teach.”

People respond to humility, Farias says, pointing to the recent example of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s successful reelection campaign.

“They didn’t think he’d win the election,” she says. “He won because he said, ‘This is what I’ve done wrong, and I’m sincerely sorry this didn’t work.’ And here’s the important part: He said, ‘This is what I’m going to do to fix it, and when it’s fixed, I’ll reveal that it’s been repaired.’”

Farias, whose clients have included the cities of Reno and Sparks and the State of Nevada, says she’s learned there are two skills employers prize most: business writing and presentation skills. Without these abilities, she says, managers can stall in their movement up an organization. She also has a different take on the value of motivational workshops.

“Too many employers get caught up in motivating their employees, and that’s a very temporary thing. People want tools. They want actual to-dos. If I’m going to be selling, what is the checklist I must include in my phone conversation? What are the actual things I should do to be a good listener?”

Farias’ commitment to better communication has garnered raves from a variety of clients.

“I had the good fortune to have Leslie do some training in the Family Support Division of the District Attorney’s Office,” says Richard Gammick, Washoe County district attorney. “Boy, what an impact she had. The training she provided to my employees was invaluable. She didn’t just give them food, she taught them how to fish.”

Reducing litigation threats

Farias’ partner, Jennifer Webb, got the idea for Apologies Work from reading about Harvard Medical School research showing well-crafted apologies reduce both the number and dollar cost of malpractice suits in the medical profession.

“They are now teaching a model that is: disclose, apologize and explain,” Farias says. “But, there’s so much more to it from a communication point of view in terms of empathetic listening. That’s what we want to teach in the workplace.”